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The Sneeze
His dumping line was something unoriginal.
I sneezed.
He left.
The virus I gave him with that sneeze is lying dormant, waiting for a good day to multiply and drown him in his own blood.
No one will know that his death was a murder, even less a premeditated one.
Jelena Vencl Ohlrogge
Nov 09 2009
Clever, well written stuff.
Nov 10 2009
Jelena.
I like this. I especially like “drown him in his own blood…”
It would appear from the story that the female character can sneeze on command, at will. That must be a handy talent. I wonder if the story could be a bit more powerful if you took out the word “something”? More lean is sometimes richer in intimations. Just a thought, though.
Excellent piece.
Nov 11 2009
This is great. I love it. The revenge of a Scorpio i suspect.
Nov 11 2009
this is great. i love it. the revenge of a ’scorpio’ i suspect.
Nov 14 2009
the protagonist in this story is someone I wouldn’t want to upset.
Dec 22 2009
Thank you all for your kind comments.
Brad, thank you, I appreciate your feedback! ‘Something’ implies and underlines the irrelevance of his words; she does not even remember them. It works well without it also, it is just a bit different.